TechZati

July 7, 1996

July – I can’t believe it.  It seems that every summer the 4^th of July seems so far away. Now, it’s past.

We had an employee Cat(aract) trip and we paddled it! That is a feat few people can claim.  It was incredible, a 12-foot boat non-self bailing.  We had to pull over into every eddy to dump the water out of it.  After scouting Big Drop 2, we hit it.  NUTS!  Running BD 2 at 30,000 cfs!

A lateral wave smashed into us, completely swamping the boat. The tubes on the boat are about 18” in diameter and, not shitting at all, only about 4 inches was above the water line.  Obviously with that much weight, a boat is not very maneuverable.

We tried to get into the eddy below BD2, but couldn’t make it.  We started going into BD 3 backwards.  I looked back and we were going into the hole.  We spun just in time to hit the hole square on.  Everyone was STOKED! YAHOO!  Talk about Thriller!

Drew is on ad 5-day Desolation/ Gray canyon trip.  I’m a little bit envious.  But of course I’m happy for him.  I suppose I’ll be on Westwater soon enough. Fri and Sat I’m helping run a J-rig up there – it should be a good time.  I hope I’ll be guiding Westwater by the end of this month.

I think I’ve decided on my itinerary for my trip.  Fly into Kathmandu, then to Bangkok and I’ll figure it out from there.  Talking to a few people I came to the conclusion that when I originally decided to go I wanted freedom.  With such a set itinerary, I don’t have the flexibility I want.  So, I’m going to fly by the seat of my ass.

A funny thing just happened.  I’m sitting in this diner, the “Star Café” just drinking coffee and writing.  The owner, a little old lady starts asking if I’ve had breakfast.  I said “no, it was my first time in here.”  She turns right around and brings me a bowl of granola.  “This one’s on the house” she says. How random is that?

A few days ago Drew and I and a few other were invited to be valets at “The lady’s of Moab – Hat Part”  Oh my God.  Talk about hilarious.  We wore grass hula skirts and leis.  Our job as “valets” was to make sure all of the lady’s were “taken care of.”  Okay, so this involved putting suntan lotion and foot massages, feeding them grapes, etc.  With all the free alcohol we could drink.  When I got there and they gave us our outfits, D and I looked at each other like “What the hell did we just get ourselves into?”

We had a great time.  It was great to see all the ladies with no husbands, kids and no worries.  Total relaxation.  I keep thinking I see some of them around town – ha.

Before that, talk about going backwards through time – we all went to Widespread Panic.  My first Panic show.  I was designated driver, which was cool.  It was in Grand Junction, CO.  It was a ball!

So  we’ve found an apartment.  After camping for 2 months under the tamarisk in Kane Creek, we got a place.  A funny story, actually.  I called about some office space for rent and asked if they wouldn’t consider renting it out for residential.  They said, no of course.  But that morning and the lady had heard that a spot had opened up and the girl couldn’t afford it and moved out.  Perfect.

Anyway, we’d been partying – a lot.  This is one of those crazy summer jobs where you work all day and play all night.  The gang is getting along great – we all feel like we’ve known each other for years. Maybe it’s a karma thing – I don’t know.

In reading back some of what I’m writing is very adolescent and I’m shaking my head at how ridiculous I sound in parts.  Ah well, it was the feelings at the time, I suppose.

Well, it’s June.  I can’t believe it I think this summer is flying by. I just got back from visiting Greg in Albuquerque.  He’s doing really well and I’m happy for him.  I’m not getting much work right now, but it’s relaxing I know within a couple months impending work every day.

Drew and I have been hanging out a lot.  It’s weird to have a “best mate” dare I sawy- down here.  We camped in Negro Bill canyon last night – underneath an arch.  It was fantastic.

I just got back from Cataract Canyon!  It was nuts! It’s almost impossible to understand the size of the rapids and the power behind them. It was a 3 day trip and I swamped. The canyon beauty is breathtaking.

I realize that it takes me quite a while to adjust to new surrounding and people.  But right now, I finally feel like I’m fitting in! It was strange, I almost felt like I was back i school trying to impress people.  Vibes you get from certain people are definitely weird.  Then again, I’m proabably worrying too much again.  I feel like I’ve been in Moab for a long long time.  It doesn’t seem like 3 weeks at all.  This is going to either be a fantastic summer or OK>  I suppose it’s still really early to be making any sort of judgment.  I feel like I try so hard not be judgmental of people, but for me it seems difficult not to be. I feel like a pretty intense personality and like someone said – there’s definitely something about me that screams independence, maybe it’s true.  But I still feel like there are very few people who think like me. I don’t feel like I”m out there – well a little sometimes, but that’s like everyone.  In any case, I think I’m doin alright.

I’m back on Moab, UT and I’m a river guide, FINALLY!  It all started with Adrift.  I went on their training trip and didn’t get hired.  Everyone else – other guides – seemed to think it was a rip-off, but I learned quite a bit.  Regardless, afterward I went to Tag-A-Long Expeditions,which is where I got hired. I hung around the yard to get my training done and now I’m licensed.  I took my qualifying trip on my birthday in a duckie.  I got word the next day.

So, this is the next chapter in my journey.  After holding this job, as far as today, I will have held almost every job which I found “romantic.”  The people I’ve met so far are fantastic.  Pretty much everyone from the Adrift trip I’m hanging out with. Drew O, one guy we get along really well so far, Holly E and Two Dogs.  These are definitely some of the most mellow people I’ve met in a long long time.  I’m sitting here next to the Colorado River, completely content.  I finally feel like I can look at someone and say, I’ve done that, been there, do that. Almost like I’ve proved to myself, actually more so to other people, that I can and I do.  Maybe I’m reaching that hard-core mentality where you already know and everyone else probably figures you do.

I haven’t been inspired to write in months.  I quit both my jobs and am in Moab taking a first-responder class. I didn’t realize how cathartic it is for me down here.  Wow.  I drove in and had to get out of the car to walk around.  I feel very much in synch with the world and zen right now.  I feel like what most people imaging happiness is.  I fell so liberated from everything.

Running around on the red rocks “frolicking” dare I say.  I don’t think I even felt like this when I was in Alaska.  The desert is so simple yet complex.  I know that’s why I love it.

Society asks why we crave nature and wildness.  I think (for me anyway) that we lose ourselves so much in what we do for what we think is our well-being that we forget when everything is taken away, we still have ourselves.  We are striving for such a perfect zen that we don’t realize that we’re trying too hard.  I think it’s moments of complete peace we strive for.  Going by myself, no one else to worry about or entertain helps a lot.  But, I suppose there’s a little remorse in everything.  Maybe it’s the memories of Spring Break Desert Trips in high school and that’s why it means so much.

What possessed me to come all the way back to SLC – I don’t know why.  I guess I am excited to get back.  I suppose this part of my journey has almost come full circle.  I’m sitting in Crompton’s before I drive the last bit home.  It isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I think I find great and deep relief and satisfaction that I can LEAVE, and I will and do.  I think I have touched what I’ve been looking for – just barely.  I suppose I’ll know when I’m ready.  But, it’s definitely not now in my life.  Sitting here I do feel like I’m alive and have actually lived a part of life.  So this sounds cheesy.  The English language is pretty sterile for expressing one’s feelings in writing.

Back to the old haunts I guess.

Defining moment in my life was driving back from Alaska.  I felt like I took control of my life’s direction and set my own goals, not trying to live to someone else’s.  Must have been the earring and listening to country music driving across the AlCan (Alaska Canada highway)

October 6, 1995

So i WAS in Seward.  Wrong vibes so now I’m in Hudson, Wisconsin – actually, Menomonie, WI. I’m visiting the cheeseheads I met in Alaska at Trans Aqua.

Seward was not worth it.  I went there in hopes of a JOB!?  Not anything.  I applied for an accounting and waitstaff job. The waitstaff position I got denied hardcore.  The owner basically told me to not come back.  Well, not that it really bothered me that much.  Actually, not at all. I think my mind was made up to leave Alaska a long time before I even went down to Seward.

I spent a day down there and took off.  I stopped by and said goodbye to Per and Carrie.  I started a book of “The Other Side” where I have other people write stories and musing in it.  Then I got my ear pierced and left Alaska.  It took me 6 1/2 days to drive across Canada.

Note – the Edmonton mall was tremendous – roller coaster and everything.

September 26, 1995

I’ve come to the conclusion that I hate driving.  Perhaps it has got to do with the fact I’ve driven 14,000 miles in 4 months! Coincidence?  Definitely.  I’ve been giving much thought to the precise reason I want to stay in Alaska.  I’ve done much tossing and turning and I think the conclusion is that I don’t want to make excuses for coming back early.  I’ve been agonizing over the decision to stay, and last night I almost had myself talked out of it.  But today, I’m in Valdez and have had a wonderful day.  The weather’s beautiful (perhaps a sign I should stay – taken with a pound of salt, of course).

Valdez is gorgeous.  This feels like “Alaska” to me.  And here if I were to stay, everything would have worked out great.  Unfortunately my EMT class is in Seward.  At this point I’m hoping there’s going to be a trend of small towns where I can find the same stuff – job/ housing, etc.

But I did come here from Wrangell St. Elias – an obscure national park on the way to Valdez.  By far one of the more beautiful  ones from what I thought.  Yes, I think I could learn to like Valdez.

September 20, 1995

We just got back to Denali from the excursion to the Brooks.  It was very odd.  While we were backpacking, we’d stopped in the middle of the day for lunch. I parted ways with Jim, Rob and the other two in the middle of a valley.  It felt like in a book with a parting wave, we went our different directions.  It struck me as peculiar that meetings with different people can be so transitory. Just like that, they’re out of your life.