Last night I read at a poetry reading. The bar was caled the Green Mill. It’s a bar Al Capone used to get back and forth from the bank. I couldn’t believe I was reading poetry – my own – in front of an audience.
“Tonight we have a virgin virgin, which means he’s never read before anywhere.” he said.
“This virgin virgin is also probably our most unique we’ve ever had at the the Green Mill because he’s all the way from Alaska!” “And…he chose tonight to lose his virginity.” pointing at me.
To say the least I was pretty nervous. I walked up to the mike, trying to keep my knees from quaking. I said “This is for all those people that have been to all the the places they ever dreamed about going to and did.”
[Dear readers, I am a little embarrassed to publish my little poem, so you'll have to ask me about it over a beer.]
Fortunately, I didn’t get booed off stage. It was one of those places where they stamp their feet if they don’t like it, snap their fingers if it was OK and clap if they enjoyed it. Quite an experience I must say. I got snapping fingers. After I read the MC stood up and said “OK, let’s get serious – you read that to get laid!” “Here we are thinking you come from Alaska and you read a beautiful, sensitive poem.”
I almost forgot, I took the “L” into the city a couple of times. The first time I went all the way to Comisky park. Bad area. Everyone was like…”If you’d gone another 5 minutes you would have been in a really bad situation.” I hardly even noticed. What I did notice was that within 1 stop people went from being mixed to almost all black. Too bad people segregate themselves. Everyone on the train was amazed that I went that far. What was so odd to see was that once you got into a more poor area, people would capitalize on your misfortune. Misfortunate preyed on others – fewer options I suppose.
Another thing that has blown me away is talking to Dad. He supports me in what I’m doing by traveling. He even brought up the idea to work really hard and then travel! I told him that was what I was planning on doing and he thought it was a great idea. I think he’s come to terms that I’m not a screw up and I’m going to be OK. I know they understand, not necessarily like it, but hopefully they understand. I mean, they should, I get it from both of them. I know they worry and miss me – to have parents care is the most security I can ask for.
So I’ve been walking around town and being a couch potato. I don’t think I”ve watched so much TV or slept in so late this whole year. I have been hanging with Dino a little. We’ve been going out to eat and bars. We went to “Little Italy” the other night. Wine, the whole bit. It was delicious. I’ve come to the conclusion that to enjoy yourself in Chicago – you need $$! But, I had an excellent time. There definitely something about people raised in a big city that can grab your attention and hold it forever. We rode around town on his motorbike, in the rain. So it’s dumping and we’re cruising around – laughing our butts off.
The other night we went out for sushi. It was excellent! We basically got drunk on sake and had a great time. We had a bit of a discussion about people worth respecting – all about being real. Not to psychoanalyze, but it all goes back to people thinking for themselves – too many followers in the world?
I think, thinking for yourself is great, but you have to know how to enjoy yourself while you’re doing it. What I’m slowly realizing is that people are too repressed and I’m one of them. That’s why I find totally open people so interesting. D’s philosophy is to try and make everyone he meets smile. Thus the sake/sushi.
The waitress we had was hilarious. Twoward the end of the meal we ordered a beer. We’d been giving the waitress a hard time (nicely) and she busted our chops. She got us a couple free sake’s. When we ordered the beer, she said “Japanese way is to put an orange in the beer.” So she brought us a couple of oranges and we threw them in. It actually tasted pretty good. When she walked by again we told her it was pretty good. She then proceeded to tell us she was joking – ha!I laughed so hard I almost cried.
I could easily get lost in Chicago. If I were more of a “poet” I could be a starving artist here. But I’m not, so oh well. It’s almost time to go.
October 28, 1995
The last couple of days have been relatively sedate. Dino took me around Chicago on the back of his motorcycle. I was in awe! Dino live near the gay part of Chicago. As he jokingly puts it “gay boys on one side, lesbos on the other.” I’ve been spending my days lounging around and I’m ready to GET ON IT!
I saw Beverly and Betty here. They are both going to school at the U of Chicago. Crazy girls – dramatic.
I think I’m losing it. I feel like I need more excitement. I think I’ve got some mental barrier which is inhibiting me from letting loose completely. I don’t think it’s so much of what people will think of me -but how to enjoy myself. Do I feel free? Interesting question, I don’t feel it completely in my heart. I need to take a bigger chance at something in my life. Travels may solve part of my feeling, but I need something more. What makes me feel ultimately blissful? Perhaps I’ll never know. Desire to live on the edge and be extreme. Not for the sake of perception, but a drive to do more. Ok, idle talk. But there’s definitely a difference between stupidity and extremity. Maybe all I want to do is be able to tell a good story. So my life is a story. What am I worried about?
October 25, 1995
I made it to Chicago, finally. Though I probably shouldn’t have rushed. The last 6 days I spent in Madison, WI. Now THAT is a college town. Living with 8 girls is a pain in the ass! I don’t see how girls can live with girls.
Now I’m in Chicago crashing with Dino. But for some odd reason I’m feeling like I’m trying too hard. Possibly intimidated?? I think what it is, is the whole aspect of being back among a city. Since I’ve left Alaska, I’ve hardly watched the stars where it seemed like I did it everyday in Alaska. Perhaps it’s just the attitude of people. Last night we went to watch a guitarist, MelvinTaylor [at Rose's]. He’s probably the best guitarist I’ve ever seen or heard Dino was not joking that when his fingers moved you could barely see them, blur. The other people I was with were just sort of there. No big thing.